a story that leads to a kind of poem

Upon my arrival back home, I realized that I wasn't in the right house.

I looked around and went back to the door to check if the key in my pocket fit the front door.

On the way to front door, I got a glance at myself in the mirror. Man, I was messed up! The guy said that I should be sober by the time I reached home. I guess not. I turned to go back into the house and slipped and fell crashing into the floor. But, I didn't really stop at the floor just kept going down, not like into my basement or something, but down a sort of hole.

When I woke up, I don't even know when I conked out, I was looking at my parents. Did they see me? I wondered. What's going on? I was kind of hoping things would go back to normal. A long time later, I guess, I found myself in an alleyway in the downtown of some city. I was a bum. How did I become a bum? I found someone near me and asked them if they knew how long I'd been there for. He said about 2 years. What??? I got up quickly and went out into the street. I couldn't see so clearly but wasn't sure if it was my eyes or the world. Suddenly nobody was there. I was alone!

My body started to morph into something else. To change from human to, I don't know. I came to and felt around. I couldn't see anything. Something was poking me and asking me something utterly incomprehensible. I went to speak and suddenly everything was light again. I looked around but couldn't really make heads or tails of anything. I remembered my old life and was trying to draw comparisons to what I was seeing now, but couldn't. What I was seeing was completely different.

I looked but didn't know what I was seeing
I felt but didn't know what I was feeling
I heard but didn't know what I was hearing
There was a crashing sound
What?

An end

I sink into the misery of the body. Sink into the pains of the body. I don't do it on purpose. It just happens. I know now that trying to figure it out, is not the way. That just means that there's not much left to do. Except for just let it all go. This reminds me of a story. A story that I do not know but will tell you now. This story is of a man, a man with a beard, a red beard. The red in his beard was not a deep red but more of a pale red. One day he set out on his mission only to come to the end almost instantly.

His mission was simple. It was to seek out the lay of the land and map it. But as he ventured out to do this, he wondered what for. He sat under a tree and for the first time in his life he just sat there listening to the land. He noticed that the land was not exactly his or something that he had but something that was alive. Why map he thought? He sat there under the tree for the next three hours, and then he got up and went back home. When he arrived, he took off his shoes went inside and lit a fire. He reached into his bag and pressed the button. That was it!

then it moves on - short

The one time man.


He was not sure. He didn't know where to go. He didn't even know how to figure it out.

Out in the distance or deep inside he struggled. What did it matter? What am I supposed to do?
I hate stuff and get frustrated.

Concurring fears and other things wasn't the goal. That just lead to more struggle. Being centered, sounds about right, but what does that mean? I know taking responsibility for all that I want to change in my life, just makes it heavier. You don't sit down one day and decide all that is going to happen during your life. Life just happens, and you live it. What are you gonna do?

And then it moves on.................

Replaced

The sun came down from whence it came, the tide came down from whence it came, it all came down to just go back, but it's not to just go back, it all came down and then disappeared, nothing went back, because nothing remained the same. I once was an old man which of course came after being a young man. But when the old man was an old man, he was no longer a young man. The young man had been replaced by the old man. The sun shines down upon the earth. The earth absorbs the sun. The sun does not shine because of the earth, and the earth does not absorb the sun because of the sun. Everything happens as it happens and then disappears and gets replaced with something else or not. Nothing stands alone but yet it does. If something truly stood alone, it would not stand at all. From the depths of one's life to the shallow happenings of day to day life, it all doesn't stand still and is constantly in flux.

An old story

A story so long and always told
One that is gathered from all there bones
It is one heard but not seen
They repeat because there is no light
Remaining in the dark
Creeping out
How can it be known if it's just imagined?

Bring it into focus

Now that the attention isn't being held so tightly, you can see impermanence more clearly. What is stable? Is it the thoughts, efforts, desires, worries, the happiness? Which one of these things has staying power. Do they not all come in for a brief amount of time then fade?
Before I tried to control things because I thought that negativity should be cast out. But, all that lead to was increased stress due to the fact of  trying and pushing. That doesn't sound like flow does it?
The next part I wonder if can be put into words. Trying to get rid of the bad just made me focus on it. In other words, making it special in some way, worthy of focus, and thus picking it up , meddling and claiming it to be mine. For example, I begin to worry about something. I then don't like it, and then want it not to return or perhaps devise a way for me not to worry any more. You can see from all that the importance put on negativity.
The question is, why pick it up at all? Why not just keep moving on? You don't need to base your life around it or do anything with it. It's just something that will inevitably just come and go. Negative and positive are two things that happen with the same characteristics, fleeting and out of control.

awaiting - poem

The waves washed upon the shore
The sand awaited this
The sun shone on the ground
The ground awaited this
The breath came in
The lungs awaited this
The wind blew
The trees awaited this
The moon rose
The people awaited this
Life happens